Reading Between The Lines

Yesterday, I had occasion to give my testimony to the congregation of our new church. There are several in the church that are currently needing hope that they too can live in freedom. So, I offer to you, some of what I offered to them. It is not pretty, but it is true. Not every story starts with "Once upon a time", and unfortunately not many stories end with "and they lived happily ever after." But it's almost guaranteed that every story contains the epic drama of the struggle between the supernatural forces of good and evil and the weak human will and spirit. Children's fables portray the good angel on the right shoulder and the evil demon on the left. Between the two lies the mind of the human. The cartoons never really reveal the intensity of the battle, but rather almost jokingly show the propensity of the person to listen to the dark voice of temptation. In reality the yielding to temptation generally has a painful cost associated with it. A simple look around your circle of friends will prove the veracity of my claim. Shortly after leaving home to join the military in 1973, I began to smoke cigarettes. I enjoyed them until I tried to quit. I used to joke about how easy it was to quit, saying "I do it all the time." But deep down, I knew I couldn't do it on my own. Some people quit cold turkey, as my parents did, but I wasn't that strong. Very soon after graduating from boot camp I was transferred to my training station in Georgia. It was there that I began to smoke pot. The digression from there into other drugs was swift. A couple of years later, while still in the military, and still using drugs, I married my beautiful wife. We had anything but a beautiful life. (How love grew from there, could only attest to the grace of God.) Within a couple of months of being Honorably Discharged from the Navy, my wife let me know that she was leaving me. I couldn't say I blamed her, but I didn't want to believe my ears. I was so far from the man I promised to be that I'm sure she saw no hope of this marriage working out. Still I loved her and felt as if my heart was ripped out of my chest. I cried often over the next several weeks. Then I simply decided that drugs would ease the pain. Anything I could get my hands on went into my body. After several months of separation we decided to try again. I felt I had a chance to win her back, but I was seriously addicted to drugs. I could not consider myself an alcoholic because I didn't drink unless I wanted to get drunk. I usually saved that for the weekend, which typically was party time. Unfortunately, that was also when I spent the most time with my wife and our baby daughter. It was on a weekend getaway party when my wife asked me to go easy on the drugs and alcohol. In a fit of anger, I pushed her and she fell to the ground. Needless to say Separation #2 followed immediately. Thankfully it was a brief separation and soon I was trying again to prove I could be the man I needed to be, but was seriously hindered by drug and alcohol use. It was not long and again we were speaking often of divorce. One day, to my surprise, she came home stating that she wanted to attend a Bible Study with some friends from work. I vehemently objected saying that I "did not want that junk in my house." She prevailed and in a few weeks I asked if I could go with her. Her reply was a simple, "that's what we've been praying for." The same week that I attended my first Bible Study lesson I accepted their invitation and went to their church. There was no preaching that night, but beyond any doubt the presence of the Lord was there. They gave an altar call, something I had never heard of, and I went forward. It was at that moment that I first felt that I had a hope in Jesus. After spending a little time at the altar, God poured out His Spirit upon me, filling me with the Pentecostal experience of speaking in tongues as He baptized me with His power, His presence, and His Spirit. My wife was "freaked out" by what was happening and ran out of the church, locking herself in our car. When her friend came to get her to watch what was happening to me she said, "No, this is weird, you're weird, Gary's going to change and I'm not!" When I finally got to the car she repeated her fear to me that Jesus was going to change me, but not her. I could do little to alleviate her panic so I did something I hadn't done in years. I prayed for her. A few weeks later after trying other churches she wanted to go back to the Pentecostal church and be baptized. It was that night that she and I were buried in the Name of Jesus Christ. She received the baptism of the Holy Ghost as she came up out of the water. Our life together could only get better, and it did. I still had some friends that were using drugs and alcohol and they would come around trying to keep us in the party mode. I didn't know any better, so I indulged a couple of times until conviction set in. God delivered me from drugs in my driveway. I was pretty much able to walk away from alcohol on my own and totally gave it up at my wife's urging on New Years Eve, 1980. Smoking was more difficult and took perhaps several months. When a friend asked how I was doing with my efforts to quit I told her, "OK." Then I got in the car, started to drive away and lit a cigarette. My wife looked at me and asked what I was doing. As I turned on to the street I took the cigarettes out of my pocket, threw them on the lawn of church and asked, "God if you'll help me, I'll never smoke anything again." He did, and I haven't. Well, several months became one year, which soon became ten. I wrote in an earlier blog about overhearing my wife speaking on the phone and describing herself as having "a fairy tale life." Since I knew that I had ogre-like tendencies she must have been talking about Jesus being her prince, but I appreciated the comment anyway. Ten years has now become more than 28 years. Still clean, still sober, still in love with my bride and our savior. Some stories do have a happy ending. I have confidence that this one will. And we will live happily forever after this life. I hope that my words will bring hope to you or someone you may know that is bound by weakness to drugs, alcohol, smoking or any other vice. Generally, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. We need help. We need a savior. We all need Jesus. He's still a deliverer. Just give Him a chance.